Funny Status Ideas

Don't mistake my middle finger as an offer.

No one has it worse than the duck that's allergic to gluten.

Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It's probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...

Arguing with a person who has rejected the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.

If God gave you a good singing voice you should sing loud in church to give thanks. If God gave you a bad singing voice you should sing loud in church to get even.

I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.

I don't have a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers - but I think 2 of them are cops.