Funny Status Ideas

How are turkeys ever awake with all of that tryptophan in them?

‪Im doing crunches twice a day now. Captain in the in the morning and Nestle in the afternoon ‬

People get mad at the teenagers trick or treating when the real freeloaders are the parents with the infants.

I tried creating a Solipsism club. Unfortunately, we were never able to pass any rules because we couldn't be sure any motion had more than one vote.

After winning the game I decided to throw the ball into the crowd like they do on TV, but apparently that's not OK in Bowling.

If you have 12 followers on Instagram, you’re unpopular. If you have 12 followers in real life, you’re the messiah.

To my wife: We're not getting older. We're getting more interesting to medical professionals.