Funny Status Ideas

I have a statuesque physique. Like a porcelain Buddha.

Ever notice that people who usually wear sweatpants hardly ever sweat?

Gaining followers on Twitter isn't success. It's just failure with more witnesses.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

What's this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?

The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest...

I once dated an amputee. She single-handedly changed my life.