Funny Status Ideas

Gaining followers on Twitter isn't success. It's just failure with more witnesses.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

What's this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?

The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest...

I once dated an amputee. She single-handedly changed my life.

Dear Microsoft: If you had called your search engine Bang instead of Bing, you'd have destroyed Google. What would you rather say? "I just Googled Catherine Zeta Jones" or "I just Banged Catherine Zeta Jones"?

The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.