Funny Status Ideas

It's always good to feel appreciated. My little brother just called to thank me for "setting the bar so incredibly low for him."

This message will self destruct in.........................................................It's still here huh?

I wonder if Charlie Brown can refer me to a good grief counselor.

Some are scared of self driving cars but I’m fairly certain I could throw a Slap Chop behind the wheel & it would be safer than some people.

I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.

I assume, one day, Taylor Swift will get married and write a song complaining about her husband never putting down the toilet seat.

I met a lady named Polly once. She didn't care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.