Funny Status Ideas

When does red mean go and green mean stop? When eating a watermelon.

A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women's facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren't looking at her face.

Well that sucks. I go to all the trouble of kidnapping a Girl Scout and she doesn't even know how to make the cookies!

Was the pirate's hook the cause of his eye injury? Or did the eye patch affect his depth perception, causing the hand injury?

Why do women ask questions that they truly don't want to hear the answer to? My wife asked me what would I do if I found out I had one year to live? I told her I would divorce her and remarry my ex wife, because everyday with my ex seemed like it was an eternity and by the end of the year I would be begging for death.

I have a statuesque physique. Like a porcelain Buddha.

Ever notice that people who usually wear sweatpants hardly ever sweat?