Funny Status Ideas

If I'm ever in the hospital on Life Support, don't just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.

This homeless guy asked me for money the other day and I was about to give it to him then I thought; he's just going to spend it on alcohol and drugs. Why should I give it to him? Then I realized that's what I'm gonna use it for. Who am I to judge this poor bastard?

I can't help being lazy. It walks in the family.

I'm at Walmart. I'm not buying anything, I just needed a reminder that there are bigger disasters than me.

Have you ever seen an alien? I have, because I picked up 5 of them outside of Home Depot this morning to build me a shed

There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom...

Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."