Funny Status Ideas

I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."

I'm not saying you did it, I'm just saying I'm blaming you

My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.

I must have a great butt because every time I walk away from my coworkers I always hear 'What an ass'

If you have a pre-schooler go to sleep tonight secure in the knowledge that your kid's teacher knows EVERYTHING about you.

Putting your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word" is super-romantic. But the cops didn't think so.

I bet Liu Kang's mother probably hated him in utero.