Funny Status Ideas

Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.

You say pervert stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.

Automatic doors are making being a gentleman difficult. It doesn't seem as romantic rushing to jump in front of the sensor to open the door.

I went from a size 36 waist to a size 27! The diet was called "The Grunge Era Ended."

Officer: "Anything you say will be held against you" Me: "BOOBS!"

I'm not saying my dog is lazy, but instead of chasing cars, she just sits in in the front yard and jots down license numbers.

Never drink with the blacksmith's wife. You might get hammered.