Funny Status Ideas

My butt must fall asleep a lot because it is always snoring.

I don't know why the cops arrested me for indecent exposure. The sign only said "Shirts and Shoes required."

Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer on cars for free?

There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.

You can tell a lot by a woman by her hands. For instance, if they're placed around your throat she's probably slightly upset.

I used to think gas was expensive. Then I realized I'm buying liquid exploding dinosaurs.

The problem with chasing dreams is you have to wake up and get out of bed to catch them.