Funny Status Ideas

Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer on cars for free?

There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.

You can tell a lot by a woman by her hands. For instance, if they're placed around your throat she's probably slightly upset.

I used to think gas was expensive. Then I realized I'm buying liquid exploding dinosaurs.

The problem with chasing dreams is you have to wake up and get out of bed to catch them.

The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.

I'm not gaining weight, I'm prepping for winter