Funny Status Ideas

My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.

Grandpa: Don't come in here honey, I just passed a silent but deadly. Grandma: Your hearing aid needs new batteries.

Tables are made so we don’t eat on the floor. Tablecloths were made so we don’t eat on the table. Place mats were made so we don’t eat off of the tablecloth. Plates were made so we don’t eat off the place mats.

Remember, when you sneeze and fart at the same time, it is just your body taking a screenshot.

Last month we labatomized some pumpkins. Y'all ready to shove some bread up a turkeys butt?

Just to be clear. The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.

Good camo pants are hard to find.