Funny Status Ideas

Honestly, I've never seen anyone fall because of a banana peel.

I don't like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really!? You think someone else might want one?!

Some consider Romeo and Juliet a tale of true romantic love. Sure, if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic.

Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.

"Are you single?" "No, I'm in a committed endless discussion about where to have dinner."

According to Pinterest, I'm severely under-utilizing mason jars.

I bet the worst part about being single is knowing that even Hitler found someone who loved him.