Funny Status Ideas

If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I'd love to help you cook.

I had a date with my treadmill recently, we aren't working out.

A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you'll ever hear. Unless it's 3 AM, you're home alone, and you don't have a baby.

You know that look women get when they want sex ? Me neither...

I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.

Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!

Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.