Funny Status Ideas

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.

I don't know why I don't buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the crap out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.

They're making a Taken 3. I'm starting to think Liam Neeson's very particular set of skills suck.

I named my dog "5 miles". That way I can tell people "I walk 5 miles everyday!"

Finding someone you want to sleep with is easy. It's finding someone you want to wake up with that's difficult.

Either that was a firework, or another Tribute is dead!

The Fourth of July is an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.