Funny Status Ideas

I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I'm not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.

I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.

The phone said "Call Failed", but I thought it was going quite well.

I'm convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.

I got arrested for growing weed in my back yard, but I was framed. The evidence was planted.

Jay-Z basically makes 4 minute radio commercials for watches, cars and clothes.

People die every year in vending machine accidents. How are we still at the top of the food chain?