Funny Status Ideas

I gave her four orgasms but they were all mine.

Why the hell are nipples so important? You could have all the boob you want hanging out, but if the nipple comes out all hell breaks loose

I want to give up coffee, but I'd hate to do that to my coworkers.

Don't try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.

Medical diagnoses confuse me: The tests cam back positive. That's good? Negative. You positive? I'm positive.

I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I'm not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.

I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.