Funny Status Ideas

With the advances of technology these days how come no one has invented a tampon that is like a turkey timer that just pops up when it's done?

Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.

I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.

The Starbucks guy just said, "Looks like you had a rough night!" I didn't even go out...

If "she'll be riding six white horses when she comes", she's probably a little more woman than you can handle

Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.

I defy you to see a motorcycle with a sidecar and still be in a bad mood.