Funny Status Ideas

I love to tell someone there's a typo in their status when there isn't and watch them slowly lose their mind.

Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army

Pretty sure I look forward to my boss' vacation's more than he does.

Why aren't they called ASSteroids instead of hemorrhoids???

Deadpool should merge with the Carnage symbiote. Then he'd be called, Carpool.

Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.

Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.