Funny Status Ideas

I am trying to get into the Christmas "spirit" but can't get the bottle open...

My phone auto-corrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer". I sent it anyways...

If your ever wondering if a tree is of the Dogwood variety you could tell by its bark.

I really want to buy one of the grocery checkout dividers but the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back.

‪I hate when Wal-Mart doesn’t have what I need and I have to go home, change out my pajamas, take a shower and go to Target. ‬

Black Friday is as close to the Purge as we will get in America...

Is coral the dumbest animal or the smartest rock?