Funny Status Ideas

I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!

I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.

My masseuse just read 'Cinderella' to me. That's the last time I ask for a happy ending...

My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn't listen to me... I said,"You're about to walk into a lamppost."

I made a penis out of Legos. A literal cock block.

I'm not saying that I've been on the internet too long today, I'm just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts

Chris Brown said he might retire from music. That sure is going to leave him with a lot of time on his fists.