Funny Status Ideas

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.

I can't sleep. I've been up for hours. I even tried reading LinkedIn.

Sometimes I like to sleep outside. No hobo

Had my identity stolen last year.... my credit score has gone up 100pnts

I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!

I hate how homeless people shake their coin cups at me. I get it. No need to gloat that they have more money than me.