Funny Status Ideas

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Due to tonight's lack of sleep, tomorrow is canceled.

I go to the gym so infrequently that I still call it the James.

Cat hair is lonely people glitter.

Just saw a guy check out my wife. Good luck, dude. I don't even have a chance with her and I'm MARRIED to her.

I'm somewhere in between the kind of person my dog thinks I am & the kind my ex's friends think I am.

Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?