Funny Status Ideas

If someone makes a racist/sexist joke, say, with total seriousness, “I don’t get it, can you explain it.” Then watch them crash & burn.

Took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name.

2013 me can't believe 2005 me actually knew 8 people I liked enough to put in a MySpace Top 8.

I really love all the new features in Adobe Reader's eighth update today.

If I were a cannibal, I'd work at a tanning salon. That way my dinners would cook themselves.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

Due to tonight's lack of sleep, tomorrow is canceled.