Funny Status Ideas

I hate how celebrities always die in 3 like Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison and sometimes literally on the same day like Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper and now Oscar the Grouch, Big Bird and Caroll Spinney.

‪Roadside sobriety test are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet .

I'm convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.

For dogs, Santa must be like the final boss of mailmen.

You can tell the age of an artificial Christmas tree by the lines of duct tape around the box it's stored in.

I have a lot of imaginary friends. They are real people, I just have to pretend they are my friends.

Baby Yoda's first word probably came after his second word