Funny Status Ideas

I'm trying to master the art of eating a powdered doughnut, without looking like I just got back from Charlie Sheen's house.

I'm going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.

Goldilocks was a hipster: Hardly liked anything, and she tried to eat porridge before it was cool.

I bought powdered water but I don't know what to add to it.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you're probably a weatherman.

Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"

Who decided to call them exes and not stalemates?