Funny Status Ideas

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life if I die on Wednesday.

When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked!

I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it's from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".

Apparently my socks never remember the buddy system whenever I wash them.

Warning: drinking before pregnancy can cause pregnancy.

I wonder if Bill Nye and his dance partner will have good chemistry.

Just when I think I'm over my insomnia the car behind me honks.