Funny Status Ideas

When I watch CNN I think, "Why can't we give peace a chance?" When I watch TLC I think, "Let's kill everything and start over again."

Part of me says I can’t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, “Don’t listen to that guy. He’s drunk.”

Let's be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.

Took three flushes before it went down. Next time I'll make sure the fish is dead.

Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?

When it comes to Middle Eastern countries, the US is like that girl who dates bad boys because "I can change him."

I've reached the age where happy hour is a nap.