Funny Status Ideas

The iPhone is like the fast and the furious movies. They're up to six and it doesn't look like they'll stop pumping them out even if its the same thing.

I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.

I should have known my son was stealing from his road construction job, but every time I came home I guess I just ignored all the signs.

Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.

I wonder if Flo from the Progressive commercials has a nephew. If she does, I feel kind of bad for him. I mean, its gotta be a little awkward telling his friends that his Aunt Flo is coming to town.

Don't hit people with glasses. Use your fists.

If you get excited that jumping on the bed won't spill the wineglass on the other side, you're probably an alcoholic.