Funny Status Ideas

I've decided to kill off a few characters in the book I'm writing. I really think it will spice up my autobiography.

No matter how bad your attempt at breaking into a prison, it'll work.

Cinnamon is just sawdust with good PR.

Is it to early to break my new year's resolution or should I wait until after Christmas?

We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not.

Airport security has just made sure that I don't have weapons or prostate cancer.

Does anyone in this group know of an old couple or even a single old lady or man who will be eating alone this Christmas? I am having friends and relatives over and need to borrow a few chairs.