Funny Status Ideas

I have ADHD so bad that I should probably never throw a boomerang...

The best part about growing old with you is that I'll always be the younger one.

Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors..

My wife thinks I can read minds. Well, she hasn’t said it out loud yet.

Friday gets way too much credit. I'm still at work, right?

College Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.

The only bad thing about my seven figure salary is that it includes a decimal point.