Funny Status Ideas

I was going to buy a KitchenAid but saw that it had mixed reviews.

Relationship Status: Getting a haircut once a month just to feel boobs brushed against my arm

Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.

Whenever I'm walking and see a car at a red light I like to wave until the person rolls their window down. Then I say, "You know, you can't park there"

I think there may be blood in my alcohol system. No seriously, I'm going to have to shut the brewery down. This is a very serious health hazard.

The only member of my family with a personal trainer is the dog.

I hope my nintendogs are alright. I haven’t fed them in 6 years.