Funny Status Ideas

I'm not anti-social, I'm selectively social. There's a difference.

I'm awesome at "picking up dropped food, pretending to set it aside in the bag or corner of my plate, nonchalantly eating it seconds later."

I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I'm not actually pregnant.

When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don't believe you."

It's only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" is a hit reality show.

I went to Spain to run "with" the bulls but I had to run "from" the bulls...someone made a mistake, a big mistake..

Guess who paid a bill on time today? ME! The other thirty bills can go screw themselves.