Funny Status Ideas

Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How crappy was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?

My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn't touch anything else, so that's good.

I'm so in debt I could start my own government.

"No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian." is my typical response when someone hands me their baby.

I like to think of bread as really bland cake.

"Twister kills 15 in Oklahoma." They must take that game way too seriously...

Painting your entire face and body for an NFL game is an effective way to show team spirit and practice abstinence at the same time