Funny Status Ideas

I don't go to the gym because I saw on Oprah that's how most staph infections spread. See, I really do care about my health!

Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.

In London, firefighters had to free a man whose penis was stuck in his toaster. For some reason, the English wonder why we think they can’t cook.

Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.

I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.

There's a not so small part of me that believes that Harry Potter was sold to us unassuming muggles as fiction.

Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.