Funny Status Ideas

Politicians are like sperm. One in a million turns out to be an actual human.

I'm boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.

If I don't clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded people for a Febreeze commercial.

There should be an observation deck at Walmart.

I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and been like "Hey, that's my stuff!"

If you lick the frosting off a cupcake, it becomes a muffin. Muffins are considered a healthy breakfast.

My therapist just offered me my money back.