Funny Status Ideas

I'd watch NASCAR if Hot Wheels designed the tracks.

I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...

Pretty soon you'll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."

The ending of Free Willy is awesome, unless you're a seal. Then it's basically like a serial killer jumping into your house.

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure and that I'd want it if there was.

A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.

Chris Brown's next single will be released before he is.