Funny Status Ideas

My life's paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.

New study says you idiots will believe anything that starts off with 'new study says.'

November is like the Thursday of the year.

I always found it funny that Professor X, from X-Men, had the power to move anything with his mind. Except his legs...

This economy sure has me on a tight budget. I gotta start cutting even more corners. Anybody know where I can get some reusable toilet paper?

Hey Blockbuster, remember when I said you'd never get that $5 late fee? I win.

I can't wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.