Funny Status Ideas

Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We're all excited for the ride until we realize what it's like where we're going.

Whoever said 'you are your own worst critic' apparently never posted a video on Youtube.

She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU'RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.

Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it.

If I was a mortician I'd tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.

Black Friday: People spend $300 on a tent so they can save $50 on a TV.

Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"