Funny Status Ideas

It's okay to skip leg day as long as you skip all the other days too

Most meteorologists are men. That's why when they say we're going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.

Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?

My wife's a porn star. She'll be P.O.ed when she finds out.

I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.

Sorry Starbucks, it's always going to be small, medium, and large.

I had a dream last night that I could see without my glasses or contacts. It was an optical delusion.