Funny Status Ideas

If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?

I'd rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn't fit.

For Christmas I just want summer...

Good Liam Neeson jokes are always Taken. Although, the crappy ones are Taken 2.

Happiness comes from within. That's why it always feels so good to fart.

My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning", I sleep in until noon. I'm a problem solver.