Funny Status Ideas

I donate blood 5 times a year just so I'm less and less related to some of my relatives.

If weed is ever legalized, I can't wait to see the commercials...

The day Facebook shows how many times we have viewed someone's profile we are all screwed!

If one of Santa's helpers takes a picture of himself in the mirror, is it an Elfie?

Home Alone 4: How Does This Keep Happening? Child Protective Services is Going to Take Your Son From You!

Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."

I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I've really got to hit the gym"