Funny Status Ideas

Santa Clause has the right idea. Visit people once a year.

When I wrap gifts myself, I tell everyone a child did it so it's adorable instead of pathetic.

Jail is just the government's way of sending you to your room.

I need a Shazam app for people I'm supposed to recognize but can't remember

Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she's gained weight.

I have this condition that causes me to eat when I can't sleep. It's called insom-nom-nom-nom-nia

I’m only a morning person on December 25th.