Funny Status Ideas

Houston, we have a problem. Never mind. It's nothing. You know what the problem is. Are you listening me me? Fine. -First woman on the Moon.

Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always like to write: "Last warning, you have a week to get the rest of the money together."

We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I'm still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.

Some say there is no difference between "complete" and "finished". Let me explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand." When you marry the right woman, you are "complete". If you marry the wrong woman, you are "finished". And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are "completely finished".

Friday is my second favorite "F" word

The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"

I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.