Funny Status Ideas

The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.

My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It's called lunch.

Don't kiss anyone on January 1st. It's only the first date.

If you're gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me

Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.

It would suck to be a cop on a police horse because when you arrested a guy he'd have to wrap his arms around you until you got to the station.

Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That's 9 years in a row now...