Funny Status Ideas

Men are like dogs. We're excited to see you, and we have no idea what you're mad about.

Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix

I don't know about you, but I've thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.

Impotence is nature's way of saying "no hard feelings".

I'd better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I'd better get some friends...

The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.

Sorry I shot your minivan, but it's hunting season and it had antlers.