Funny Status Ideas

When I'm bored I like to call in sick to places I don't work for. I'm getting written up at Kohls.

Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.

I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I'm better than you, but I feel really horrible about myself for letting you know...

If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it.... then how bad of a decision can it really be?

Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg, and some days you're the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down....

Everyone keeps telling me to never succumb to peer pressure. So I'm going to take their advice and not listen to them.

Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.