Funny Status Ideas

It's so cold, I just got a $5 foot long from subway, but by the time I got back to my car it was only 6 inches.

I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..

It's not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it's the gas can in her other hand.

It's not a birthing video. It's bornography.

I'll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.

Plot Twist: the extreme cold in America is actually just Disney’s advertising campaign for Frozen.

Squirrels are just rats with cuter outfits.