Funny Status Ideas

At what point does a muffin top become a busted can of biscuits?

I can't face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.

Just in case this flu does me in, I told the wife to tell each of the kids that I've always loved the other one more.

"Vini Vidi Venti" - I came, I saw, I ordered the large coffee at Starbucks.

Sö î hèãrd ÿôū łìkê gùÿš wįth áćçėñtś?

All the coffee beans in South America can't make me a morning person.

I don't lift so maybe I'm wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.