Funny Status Ideas

For those of you wondering what it's like to be married, I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having.

I hate when men's restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.

Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.

I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.

My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited.

I'd like to be a nudist but we just don't have the weather for it

Note to self: the wife does not want an 'exercise pole'.