Funny Status Ideas

I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money.

A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks. It was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.

If I ever get a puppy I'm going to name it "Grandma" because I can't think of a better word to yell in the woods.

Facebook birthdays are a great reminder to unfriend people who's birth you could have lived without.

Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we're having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tongue would get stuck to?

I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.

Ok body wash, unless you're caffeinated and drinkable, you can cool it with the "energizing" claims. You're soap.