Funny Status Ideas

I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can't have any more food and I'm never ready for that kind of commitment.

The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.

I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.

uʍoɹɟ ʇɐɥʇ

I'm so tired, but at least I got the dog on the bus and let the kids out to pee.

I think it would be fun to work in a restaurant on Valentine's Day. I'd hide fake diamond rings in all the girls' glasses and then just watch all the men's expressions.

I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.