Funny Status Ideas

I don't think it's a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.

Possums have my favorite defense mechanism: “Meh, I’ll just lie here. Maybe they’ll go away.”

No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?

Simply amazing how one word spoils the whole sentence: I’m getting laid.....off.

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions.

How do blind people know when to stop wiping?

There is one perk from my job that I hate. I get paid weakly!